If you ever feel tough because you once played through a rolled ankle in a rec league, meet Jackie Chan: a man who treated injury reports the way most guys treat Ikea instructions, merely a suggestion.

Jackie is not just an action star. He is a small, cheerful demolition derby in human form. Every movie he has ever made is an 80 minute highlight reel of "how is he still alive?"

This is a man who once jumped from a billboard to a fire escape to a moving bus because the script said he needed to get across the street.

Let's talk about how he became the most injured man in the history of acting.

First thing to know: Jackie never liked stunt doubles. Not because he was too proud for them. He just thought it was more fun to throw his actual body through actual objects.

His stunt team, the Jackie Chan Stuntmen Association, became legendary for one reason. They were willing to do things that looked like the start of a workers' comp claim.

If there was a ladder, Jackie fell off it. If there was a window, Jackie went through it. If there was a roof, Jackie jumped off it. If there was a balcony, Jackie said "this seems like a good time to test gravity."

The blooper reels at the end of his movies are basically three minutes of ambulances parking off camera.

The list is insane: skull fractures, pelvic injuries, broken ribs, dislocated shoulders, burns, sliced arms, busted teeth. He once jumped from a tree and fell straight on his head. That one left a permanent hole in his skull. True story. You could actually feel it if you ran your hand through his hair.

There is an injury from Police Story where he slides down a pole covered in Christmas lights, catches fire, falls through a glass kiosk, and then gets up like he just stubbed his toe.

During Armor of God, he jumped from a castle wall to a tree. The tree snapped. Jackie fell. His head hit a rock. Doctors had to plug the hole in his skull with a piece of plastic. He woke up and kept filming.

At this point you have to imagine the director saying, "Jackie, we do not have to finish this today," and Jackie saying, "No, it is fine. I only broke the important parts."

Here is the real magic. He never played it cool. He never tried to be the unbreakable tough guy. He played the exhausted, slightly annoyed everyman who was just trying to get through the day while also fighting eleven criminals with a mop.

He brought comedy, timing, and creativity to stunts. Watching Jackie Chan fight someone with a ladder is like watching Picasso paint with a shovel. It should not work, but it absolutely does.

He took influences from Buster Keaton, added martial arts, and then turned the difficulty slider all the way to "career ending."

Jackie once said something that sums up his whole vibe: "When you see me jump from building to building, that is really me. When you hear I got hurt, that is also really me."

That is the magic of Jackie Chan. The authenticity. The charm. The fact that he is a walking MRI scan who still shows up and gives you a performance that feels like it should come with a warning label.

In a world of CGI superheroes, Jackie Chan did it the hard way. The painful way. The "I will probably need another surgery after lunch" way.

And he did it with a smile.

Which is why he might be the most Dude Stuff actor alive.

I wrote this on one of those hungover Sundays where time does not exist. The kind of day where you forget what water tastes like and start questioning every life choice that led you to ordering Chinese food at 11:45 a.m.

While I was scrolling through the endless maze of streaming services I irrationally refuse to cancel, Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One popped up. I had not seen it yet. Seemed like a safe bet. Explosions, masks, Tom Cruise. Let's ride.

About 40 minutes in, there it was: the sprint. Tom Cruise absolutely booking it through some European city like a man late for a flight, a dentist appointment, and his own funeral, all at the same time.

It just rules. There is no other word for it. The guy runs like he is trying to beat Usain Bolt and outrun God.

But then that cursed part of my brain fired up. The one reserved for late night Wikipedia holes and deeply unnecessary math.

How far has Tom Cruise actually run in these movies?

Turns out, Reddit has us covered. Somebody on r/Mission_Impossible did the math and estimated that Ethan Hunt has run about 8.7 miles across the seven Mission: Impossible movies. Scene by scene. Frame by frame.

Here is the breakdown, rounded and rough:

MI1 – 0.6 miles
MI2 – 0.9 miles
MI3 – 0.9 miles
Ghost Protocol – 1.2 miles
Rogue Nation – 1.6 miles
Fallout – 1.9 miles
Dead Reckoning Part One – 1.6 miles

That is not counting retakes. And Cruise has said he will do up to 15 takes per scene. So we are probably looking at 50 to 60 miles of actual running during filming. Man is basically doing an ultramarathon in loafers.

And do not forget: in Fallout, he broke his ankle mid sprint and just kept going. That is not acting. That is a guy too committed to cardio to acknowledge the concept of pain.

He is 62 years old and still running like he is trying to reset the timeline. Most people his age are yelling at teenagers to slow down in the neighborhood. Tom is the teenager. On fire. With a bomb in his pocket. And a full sprint ahead of him.

The final tally: Tom Cruise has sprinted almost 9 miles on screen as Ethan Hunt. At a speed that would qualify him for some high school track teams. And honestly? I hope he never stops.

Because watching that little man fly through alleys, castles, and train cars will always be one of the greatest joys in cinema.

Tom Cruise runs. So we do not have to.