The Gospel of the Band Name

🎸 The Gospel of the Band Name

Anyone who has ever been in a band understands the significance of the band name. It’s more than just a word or collection of words. It defines your music and your image. It’s your first and most important shot at luring your potential audience. Those curious masses, eager to be entertained. There is great power in that name. The power to draw bougie, IPA guzzling hipsters to some shithole bar that smells like dirty ashtrays and urinal cakes. The power to dazzle that object of desire who has only noticed you once…and that was only because you had a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe. The power to turn a simple piece of colored paper stapled on a public bulletin board in the quad into an omega level flyer. A hypnotizing, mesmerizing, eight and a half by 11 ticket to paradise. 

But any dude or dudette who has earned their rock band stripes knows that it’s not just how the name sounds. It’s how it looks as well. If the name itself is Batman, then the font or design of the name is Robin. Sure, Batman doesn’t always need Robin to get his ass out of a jam, but it doesn’t hurt to have the Boy Wonder on standby to ensure a swift and thorough ass kicking. Same with the name. Is the idea itself enough? Maybe. But pulling a Paul Revere and galloping through the village telling anyone who will listen about your band’s upcoming gig at Peggy’s Pit Stop is not nearly as effective as 1000 flyers adorned with your stylish, ass kicking logo. And besides, you’ll need something cool looking for all the merch that you’re going to peddling at your shows. Because it’s so much more than just some carefully selected word or collection of words. We’re talking about art here. You need the sound of the name to burrow into their head like an earwig. You need the design of it to be so mind blowing that the image seers itself to their brains instantaneously. 

Don’t start printing those t-shirts just yet though, for there is one more valuable trick of the band naming trade that hasn’t yet been mentioned, and that is the intentional misspelling or butchering of the English language to give that added edge to your potentially career defining moniker. Think of bands like Split Enz, Led Zeppelin and Motley Crue. I can almost hear the conversations permeating the arcades and high school hallways back in the 80s. Wait…so it’s Crue and not Crew? They already sound like the best band ever! They have WHAT over two of the vowels? I don’t know what the hell an umlaut is, but any band that has two of them in their name is surely delivered to the stage with bottles of whiskey in each hand while riding on horses made of fire! Okay, maybe the effect isn’t that profound, but you get the picture.

The band is your baby. Give it the wrong name and it could end up getting its lunch money stolen every day and dying a virgin. Follow the sacred band naming code though, and it’s VIP seating and top shelf liquor all the way. Choose wisely.